“Menopause is inevitable; suffering is not.” – The New Menopause, by Mary Claire Haver, MD

Julie’s Story

It has taken me nearly a year to write this, to process my thoughts and emotions, and to overcome the embarrassment and shame this new, unexpected phase brought upon me and the way it completely changed my life. It was only then that I could confidently post this, hoping it would help someone else.

I live a healthy lifestyle overall. I have maintained a healthy diet, exercise routine, and good sleep hygiene for literally decades. In March 2025, I noticed changes in my health, my moods, and my overall attitude. My father passed away six months prior, so I assumed the changes were grief. (And that was probably true to some degree.) However, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something felt… off.

The symptoms appeared out of nowhere, and less than a week after returning home from an extremely busy business trip. In addition to grief, I thought I was just run down or getting sick. So I prioritized rest and time off.

However, weeks turned into months, and I didn’t feel any better. The “debilitators” grew more frequent and more severe. The bouts of insomnia hit me like a ton of bricks. It seemed that no matter how much or how well I slept, I felt extremely tired. The brain fog was debilitating. I couldn’t concentrate at work at all. I would stare at the computer screen for hours, unable to focus or process anything. As a result, I began cancelling and rescheduling meetings, calling out sick, and doing everything I could to get some sleep.

As a business owner and principal consultant, I have consistently demonstrated reliability and responsibility, and I must remain focused, diligent, and “on my game” every day. I felt my work quality and reliability had sharply declined, which was a huge problem. I needed to figure out a solution… and fast.

I didn’t understand any of it. It all just came on so suddenly. I felt scared. After doing some research, I learned that my issues could be one of three possible causes:

1. Thyroid disease
2. Lyme disease
3. Perimenopause

I scheduled an appointment with my doctor to perform a series of blood tests. After analyzing the results of those tests and discussing my symptoms, perimenopause was the winner.

Although I was happy to learn that I didn’t have Thyroid or Lyme disease, I admit that I didn’t take the perimenopause news very well. I immediately felt depressed. I was… middle-aged. Old.

As a single woman, I felt like my chance of having a family was over. Although I had long ago accepted that I would likely never have a family of my own and was comfortable with that decision, it was a different experience to be told I could no longer have children. For the first time in my life, it felt like my “prime of life” was over. Somewhere along the journey of life, I missed the boat.

Although the diagnosis gave me some clarity, unfortunately, it didn’t ease my fears. The more I researched perimenopause, the more it exacerbated my fear. The symptoms were absolutely terrifying.

Why doesn’t anyone talk about this?

After letting the news settle, I began speaking with other women and health care professionals. I was shocked to discover how “blase” people were about it. Comments like “Welcome to your new normal”, “Join the club”, or “Deal with it” angered me. I was also shocked to discover how few treatment and support options were available to women. The health care community and society have the attitude of, “Every woman goes through menopause. So just deal with it.”

Maybe this reaction was just me late to the perimenopause party. Menopause, premenopause, and perimenopause are all natural phases of life for a woman, of course, but why doesn’t anyone talk about it? According to How to Menopause by Tamsen Fadal, “the word ‘menopause’ didn’t appear in the New York Times until 1997!”

It was interesting to read about the study on hormone therapy performed by the Women’s Health Initiative (WHI) in 2002. More than a decade later, we are now hearing about how poorly this study was conducted (the population for the study was poorly selected), and the media drastically misrepresented the data, indicating that hormone therapy increases the risk of breast cancer in women.

From Pain to Power: Figuring Out HOW to Perimenopause

I decided I would not accept comments like “just deal with it,” “that’s called aging,” or—my personal favorite—”you need to give up pole. Find another form of exercise.” Like it meant nothing to me all these years, and I haven’t killed my body in the process.

The more research I did, the angrier I became, and the more I wasn’t going to accept comments like “just deal with it,” “that’s called aging,” or—my personal favorite—”you’re too old to be doing pole. It’s time to give it up. Find another form of exercise” (like it meant nothing to me all these years.) I was going to push and find the answers I needed and deserved. I was going to figure out how to best manage my symptoms and develop my own treatment and training program that worked best for me so I could continue to do the exercise and work I loved. I went through a similar journey when I was diagnosed with a chronic kidney condition years ago. I knew I could do it again.

In this blog, I will share how I did that.

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor. In fact, I’m the furthest thing from a professional or a licensed healthcare practitioner. I also recommend some resources throughout this blog. No, I am not earning a commission for mentioning them. I’m just a regular girl who researched and figured out how to manage perimenopause symptoms on her own. I wrote and shared this blog hoping it would help other women.

THE 5 M’s

All phases of menopause mark a serious shift in a woman’s body. Hormones fall out of whack, which sparks numerous changes and can even lead to some pretty serious health risks. Hormones are like little project managers! They are responsible for telling the body what to do: sleep, be awake, rebuild muscle tissue, and so on. An insufficient production of estrogen can cause some pretty serious health risks, including osteoporosis, muscle regeneration, heart conditions, and even cognitive decline and neuroinflammation, just to name a few.

Through my own research and journey through perimenopause this year, I shaped what I call “The 5 M’s” to achieve menopause MASTERY:

1. Master
2. Measure
3. Monitor
4. Manage
5. MOVE

1. MASTER

If your journey began similar to mine, where you began noticing odd symptoms, or just felt… off, then STEP 1 is to educate yourself on the following:

• The different hormones that play a role in the female body
• The different phases of menopause
• The long, varied list of symptoms
• The possible health risks
• The various hormone therapy (HT) options available

Here are some resources that I highly recommend:

• Easy Perimenopause
• How to Menopause
• The New Menopause
• Next Level
• ROAR

Learn and understand your body to a “T”. The more you understand your own health patterns, trends, and your body’s needs, the better you can manage the transition (more on how to do this below). This will also help you to determine if HT is right for you and when to begin treatment, if and when you’re ready to cross that bridge.

Become your own advocate! Research doctors, specialists, and practitioners. Seek out someone who will listen to you. Go to doctor’s appointments prepared with questions, symptom frequency, and other crucial data and details. Be prepared to defend yourself and your needs.

2. MEASURE

Develop a BASELINE: Know Your Numbers

Second piece of crucial advice: Do not skip this step. Learning your numbers will help you understand your body’s health patterns and trends. This will also help you establish a baseline, enabling you to understand not only what is happening in your body but also what it needs, so you can manage symptoms more effectively.

By knowing your numbers, I’m referring to the following:

• Current weight
• Sleep quality
• Daytime resilience
• Heart Rate Variability (HRV)
• Hormone levels
• Menstrual phase cycle time

The sooner you become more attuned to your body, the better. It puts you one step ahead of the menopause game, making it easier to manage your symptoms as you progress through the different phases.

Here are some excellent tools that are available that can help you:

• Apple Watch – Measures sleep quality, cardio health, respiratory levels, heart rate, HRV, and tracks fitness levels and activities
  
• The Oura ring – Measures sleep quality, cardio health, resilience, stress levels, and HRV, and tracks fitness levels and activities (Personal note: I found this incredibly helpful and saw benefits immediately. In my opinion, the Oura ring is much better than the Apple Watch in terms of quality, reliability, comfort, and overall aesthetics.)
  
• Etekcity Smart Fitness scale – Not just any scale, this is designed to help you understand what your weight consists of (bone mass, muscle mass, water weight, visceral fat, subcutaneous fat, and more). Understanding and protecting your bone, skeletal, and muscle mass becomes even more important in your menopause journey.
  
• The Flo app – Tracks and monitors menstrual cycles and phases. It also allows you to log symptoms daily, enabling the app to track and predict trends, such as upcoming due dates. This also lets you understand and track any changes in your cycles.

Of course, there are other ways to track and monitor health metrics, but these are the tools I have found most valuable throughout my journey. Hopefully, you do too.

3. MONITOR

As mentioned above, each phase of menopause is its own unique, individual journey, which can make the entire menopause transition uncertain, frustrating, and even a little scary. Each phase differs from woman to woman, so there isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach. Symptoms can also change periodically and randomly, and without warning. Just when you think you’ve got one symptom under control, another appears, and it can throw you off track.

This is why the MONITOR phase is so important. After establishing a method for measuring your numbers, consistently monitor and track your symptoms, changes, activities, and so on. Keep a journal, a digital note on your phone, or a notebook. (I use Notion.) Therefore, when a new symptom or pattern arises, monitor the frequency. This will help you detect new patterns and shifts in your body, keeping you one step ahead in integrating management tactics.

If you choose to use the Flo app, you can log your symptoms daily. If you choose to do this, after several months, Flo will have enough data to provide you with insights into which phase of menopause you are in and even predict how long you might be in it.

4. MANAGE

Now that you know your numbers, have a baseline, and a better understanding of your symptoms, let’s talk about how to manage them so they don’t completely throw your life into upheaval.

Find a Rhythm of REST

Prioritizing sleep consistently is number one. Without quality sleep, your stress levels (and therefore, cortisol), brain fog, mood swings, night sweats, hot flashes, and weight gain all worsen substantially. Here are some things you can do (and that also helped me) to get your sleep under control:

• Set a regular bedtime, and stick to it consistently
• Reduce caffeine during the day
• Avoid alcohol before bed (alcohol increases your heart rate, and if your heart rate is high at bedtime, you won’t get the rest your body truly needs)
• Avoid eating at least 2-4 hours before bedtime (for the same reason noted above. If your body is working on digesting food rather than resting, you are robbing your body of proper rest)
• Consider a magnesium supplement (I began taking magnesium citrate and saw an immediate improvement).
• Avoid screen time right before bed (“doom scrolling” is terrible for you, for so many reasons. Use menopause as an excuse to finally stop it for good.)
• Read, relax, or journal about 1-2 hours before bedtime (this allows your body to truly calm down and enter a restorative state, which helps you sleep better)

MANAGE Stress

There are two types of stress: cumulative and oxidative. What is the difference?

• Cumulative stress: the psychological and physiological burden that builds over time. This is the normal day-to-day stress (work, paying bills, relationships, exercise, and so on).
• Oxidative stress: stress caused by environmental factors that create an imbalance between free radicals and antioxidants in the body. This type of stress stems from diet, habits, and lifestyle choices (smoking, poor diet, and even over-exercising).

Both types of stress increase cortisol levels in the body. High cortisol levels from chronic stress can:

• increase inflammation
• disrupt sleep
• damage the mitochondria
• increase free radical production
• impair memory and focus
• worsen mood
• increase fatigue
• cause weight gain

In short, cumulative stress directly contributes to oxidative stress. Perimenopause amplifies both, because estrogen decline reduces your natural antioxidant defenses and weakens your stress resilience. To help combat and control stress levels:

• Eat antioxidant-rich foods (berries, leafy greens, nuts, dark chocolate)
• Exercise moderately (excessive exercise can temporarily increase oxidative stress)
• Get enough sleep
• Manage chronic stress
• Avoid smoking and limit alcohol and toxin exposure
• Focus on RECOVERY

In summary, lack of sleep and proper recovery = increased cortisol levels = increased inflammation = fat accumulation.

Ditch the Sugar and Processed Foods

During perimenopause, it’s important to carefully assess and re-evaluate everything you eat and when you eat it. It might also mean getting creative with recipes and substituting ingredients.

For example, I really struggled with managing sugar cravings. This became my arch nemesis. Whenever a sugar craving would kick in, rather than reach for a piece of chocolate, I would instead reach for:

• Strawberries, blackberries, or raspberries (Berries also contain high levels of antioxidants, which are great for gut health.)
• A small cup of yogurt with unsweetened cocoa powder (cocoa powder is also great for gut health)
• A protein bar (although many brands just pack these with sugar, there are a few brands that don’t. Luna bars are my favorite)
• Protein balls (I began making my own recipes.)

If you need a sweetener, stick to either honey or PURE maple syrup (the local stuff, NOT Mrs. Buttersworth). These are the healthiest and most natural sweeteners you can get your hands on.

PACK IN THE PROTEIN

One of the biggest—and perhaps most pivotal—things I learned about managing weight during perimenopause is the importance of packing in protein into my daily diet. Ditch processed foods and replace them with high-quality protein with the following:

• Baked chicken (stay away from fried foods)
• Turkey
• Fish (salmon is packed with protein and Omega-3s, which are great for your heart)
• Hard-boiled eggs
• Leafy “green” vegetables
• Mixed nuts or seeds (almonds, walnuts, cashews, fennel seeds)
• Nut or seed butter (sunflower seed butter, almond butter, peanut butter)
• Protein bars (although be wary of which brands you choose, as many of them are processed and packed with sugar)
• Sweet potatoes
• Cheese
• Yogurt

I personally found it most helpful to follow the Mediterranean diet, which includes meals with chicken, fish, and vegetables. (I am not a vegetarian, but I am on a low-oxalate, dairy-free diet.)

The great news is that there are more protein powders, supplements, and even organic, plant-based protein options (for vegetarians) than ever before. You might have to experiment with different kinds to see what works best for you.

PLAN YOUR MEALS

Perimenopause management isn’t just all about WHAT you eat but also WHEN. It’s best to eat protein at every meal and snack (within reason, of course), and within 30 minutes after a workout (this prevents gas and bloating while also helping restore muscles rather than tearing them down).

Personally, I began prioritizing protein at every meal, and after about 4-6 weeks, I noticed I had reduced my body fat percentage and, simultaneously, increased my lean muscle mass. I also noticed a substantial improvement in my training and pole performance. (Even though the numbers on the scale went up, I didn’t go up a pants size. In fact, my clothes began to feel better. Remember, muscle weighs more than fat.)

Proper protein packing and meal planning also improved how I looked and felt in the lead-up to my period. By increasing my protein intake, eating at the right times, planning my workouts better, and aligning them with my sleep quality, I experienced far less bloat, puffiness, and water retention, which led to weight gain right before my periods. I also experienced fewer mood swings and other random PMS symptoms that are usually more intense.

5. MOVE

A Heavy Weight

One of the biggest complaints from perimenopausal women is weight gain, even in women who eat well and remain active. Fluctuations in hormone levels slow your metabolism and simultaneously raise cortisol (stress) levels, as mentioned above. Then, add the uptick in sugar cravings to the top of the perimenopause pile, and the results are more body fat.

Most of us who watch the scale climb day after day or week after week immediately begin cutting calories and skipping meals (myself included). That might have worked in your 20s and 30s, or in your pre-menopausal days, but this tactic is dangerous and typically has the opposite effect. This is why most women who experience weight gain undereat and overexercise, and still see 0 results.

I experienced this exact same frustration and confusion. During the first several months after my perimenopause diagnosis, I didn’t gain any weight, per se, but I noticed far more frequent weight fluctuations. I’ve lost and gained nearly 5 lbs each week, which has been incredibly frustrating. For the first time in well over a decade, I began to feel self-conscious about my body. My body just looked and felt different, and I hated it.

However, after reading Next Level, I learned the importance of prioritizing strength training and plyometrics exercises over cardio. Cardio is still important, of course, but it is no longer the only key to burning fat.

Ideally, a well-rounded strength-training routine includes a regular mix of horizontal and lateral push exercises, performed 2-4 times per week. In addition, stretching more regularly will help ease the lovely aches and pains that come with aging. Joint pain is also a common menopause symptom. Stretching regularly (and massage therapy, if that fits your budget) can help reduce joint pain and support your muscles’ proper repair and restoration. On “lighter” training days, go for a leisurely walk or hike, and again, stretch.

Moving regularly provides more than just physical benefits. Moving also helps keep your memory sharp. It stimulates brain waves, enhances neuroplasticity, and balances serotonin and glutamate. Glutamate helps improve cognitive function, brain fog, and memory. As Dr. Mindy Pelz stated in Age Like a Girl, “the more we move, the more we nourish our minds and bodies.”

All in all, remaining active is key at any phase of menopause, but it becomes even more important as we age. Even if you lack motivation or need a day for recovery, keep moving. Physically, emotionally, mentally. No matter what.

Age with Power and Beauty

All in all, every woman’s menopause journey is different. When I began to open up and talk about perimenopause with other women, I was surprised to discover how many other women I know are going through it. Even though I am younger than most menopausal women, it was nice to know that I wasn’t alone.

Your Body Isn’t the Enemy, and it Isn’t Failing—it’s Changing

When I first discovered that I was entering perimenopause, three primary emotions struck me: shock, fear, and embarrassment. Now that I’m nearly a year into this journey, I have had to make many adjustments in my life to accommodate it, and that includes my mindset, especially about myself.

The first thing I had to tell myself—and I am telling you the same thing—your body isn’t the enemy. It is just going through a natural change and has different needs. Your body composition is changing, but you are still YOU. You are still radiant. You are still valued. You are still BEAUTIFUL.

All in all, it might take you several months to get your sleep quality, weight, resilience, stress, HRV, and so on in alignment (it took me nearly seven months!), but if you journal your symptoms, monitor your numbers, and stick to a revised diet each day, you will slowly begin to find your “sweet spot”, in terms of your weight, heart health, sleep quality, athletic performance, and more. It is possible. I’m not saying it won’t be frustrating and overwhelming at times, but be patient with yourself, and be persistent. You will get there.

To sum up, perimenopause management is about adopting a set of healthy habits and behaviors, practicing them daily, measuring results, and adjusting as needed. The more you align with this process, the easier it will be to manage and age with beauty, power, and grace.