Emotional intelligence is a term thrown around a lot today. But what does it mean in theory? What does it look like in practice?

Many leaders in organizations or partners in personal relationships claim to have emotional intelligence, and that may be true, however, putting it into consistent practice is often another story.

We can all recall a situation, either at work or in a personal relationship, where we or another individual refused to listen and/or communicate effectively, or to take ownership or accountability for a conflict or issue, resulting in unexpressed feelings. These situations are examples of what emotionally intelligent people don’t do.

So what does this mean for you exactly, and why is it important? In this article, we will dive into some common signs of emotional intelligence and some habits you can develop today to improve all your relationships.

What is Emotional Intelligence (EQ)?

Emotional intelligence is the ability to manage and control your emotions, empathize with others, and make decisions. Empathy requires enough calm and receptivity to pick up on the subtle signals of another person’s feelings, and the brain can respond to them. 90% of an emotional message is nonverbal.

As mentioned briefly above, emotional intelligence applies to both personal and professional situations and relationships. In the workplace, it is a core element of servant leadership and project success.

According to Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman, “… Evidence testifies that people who are emotionally adept—who manage their own feelings well, and who read and deal effectively with others’ feelings—have an advantage in any domain in life.” He continues on to say, “People with well-developed emotional skills are also more likely to be content and effective in their lives, mastering the habit of mind that fosters their own productivity.”

There are three primary components of interpersonal intelligence:

1. Organizing
2. Negotiating
3. Connecting

Combined, these components lead to high levels of social success.

In fact, according to an article published by Business Wire, today’s project teams are prioritizing EQ as a critical, must-have skill. EQ has proven to lead to better business outcomes. In fact, “77% of the most successful project managers claim that EQ is very important to their roles, and 37% have significantly increased their use of the skill in the past two years.”

Furthermore, “while project managers have historically been measured on technical results, 67% now report that they are rated on EQ during performance reviews. Given its growing significance in individual evaluations, 83% of project managers say they often or always incorporate EQ-based techniques in their job responsibilities.”

Of course, project management is just one example of how EQ has proven to improve project success and the quality of strategic decision-making. However, EQ is also important for leaders at any level. In fact, there is a cost-effectiveness component of EQ. It’s all about giving feedback to people, and learning how to give criticism—and receive it—effectively. This is key.

The Emotional Brain versus the Rational, Thinking Brain

We have two brains: rational and emotional. Even though they are two separate entities, they often work in concert and in harmony.

We often want to avoid making decisions based solely on emotions. Intelligent individuals consider the advantages, disadvantages, and facts of a particular decision. This is also where the rational and emotional brains clash.

As author and psychologist Daniel Goleman explains in his book Emotional Intelligence, emotion is actually crucial to effective thought, both in making wise decisions and allowing us to think clearly. (Emotional Intelligence: Why it Can Matter More than IQ, by Daniel Goleman, page 27) In fact, some medical professionals believe the “emotional brain” is as involved in the process of reasoning as the “thinking brain”.

Goleman further suggests that the “emotional intelligence quotient”, commonly referred to “EQ”, might be more important than IQ. Psychologists have also studied the overall effectiveness of the standard IQ measurement. Research has shown that IQ scores don’t account for an individual’s level of emotional intelligence, which makes up the full spectrum of human intelligence.

All in all, intellect cannot work at its best without the emotional brain, and one isn’t more important than the other. However, individuals with high emotional intelligence need to strike the right balance between the two.

15 Signs of Emotional Intelligence

Now that you have a better understanding of emotional intelligence, what does it look like in practice? Here are 15 signs of emotional intelligence:

1. Understanding one’s emotions
2. Controlling and managing one’s emotions
3. Motivating oneself
4. Recognizing others’ emotions and empathizing with them
5. Sharing your feelings with others
6. Demonstrating self-awareness
7. Actively listening to others
8. Being emotionally resilient
9. Accepting criticism, responsibility, and accountability
10. Understanding one’s boundaries (and having the ability to say “no” when necessary)
11. Recognizing and accepting mistakes (yours and/or others), letting go, and moving on
12. Managing and resolving conflicts
13. Focusing on progress, not perfection
14. Embracing change
15. Fostering groupthink and cooperation

How to Apply Emotional Intelligence

Here are some things you can do to further develop and improve your emotional intelligence:

1. Practice active listening

Most of us are poor listeners. Sorry, but it’s true. The ability to display communication skills and make effective decisions stems from listening. This means listening to what is spoken and also what is unspoken. This involves not only paying attention to what a person is saying verbally but also their nonverbal communication, such as body language. Body language is especially important to consider when engaging in cross-cultural conversations.

2. Be open-minded

Emotionally intelligent individuals never see their way as the only “right” way. When listening to others, widen your perspective. You might be surprised at what you learn and discover.

3. Be empathetic

Empathizing with others, meaning understanding others’ emotions, viewpoints, and opinions, is one of the most crucial elements of emotional intelligence. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with the other person, but seeing another person’s perspective without letting your emotions get in the way is key.

4. Be emotionally resilient

One of the greatest strengths of an emotionally intelligent individual is his or her ability to heal themselves, as well as help others heal in healthy ways, focus on solving challenges and conflicts, and figure out the best path forward. Emotionally-intelligent individuals never hold grudges or expect others to never make mistakes. Remember, we are all human.

5. Be self-aware

An emotionally intelligent individual is very self-aware. He or she can successfully view and perceive situations holistically, focusing on the big picture and keeping principles, goals, and ethics in mind.

6. Focus on the big picture

An emotionally intelligent individual thinks beyond the day-to-day and focuses on long-term goals.

7. Commit to growth

All in all, an emotionally intelligent individual is committed to personal growth. This could be the individual’s own personal growth as well as the personal growth of others. Accept the opportunity to nurture others and encourage unique thoughts, opinions, and ideas.

8. Recognize the action

Emotionally intelligent individuals accept ownership and accountability, including the actions that go along with it. They don’t expect things just to magically happen or become better.

9. Ask yourself questions

EQ begins with you. Self-awareness is one of the top four categories of emotional intelligence. To help increase self-awareness and improve emotional intelligence, ask yourself these questions:

1. What am I feeling? (If I’m upset, why? When did I start feeling upset? Where was I when I noticed my mood change? Who was I interacting with before my mood changed? What was going on that led up to the way I felt?)
2. What are my emotions telling me?
3. What are the FACTS?
4. What do I really want?

This is your neocortex at work.

Improve All Your Relationships

Many researchers and experts argue that emotional intelligence is an inborn trait and cannot be learned, whereas others believe that it can be learned. Of course, this could be an article all on its own.

However, regardless of which viewpoint you resonate with most, with a little practice, you can further develop emotional intelligence, become a better leader, and strengthen all your relationships.